Birth choices- a vent

I'm sooo discouraged about this upcoming baby's birth. The OBs here are unwilling to allow me to labor. They have given me a choice of a) schedule an early c-section (because hospital policy requires the OB to be present at a VBAC labor at all times, and they don't feel like sitting around to wait on me-a paraphrase of his words) or b) homebirth. Of course he was not that keen on the homebirth option. Anyway, I'm not so much either. This pregnancy has made me nervous because of my bleeding episode (which I suppose is entirely normal, just not for me), and also I'm not ready to choose from any of the available midwifes. One is just too far away. She's the same distance as our last midwife, but she doesn't do in home visits for prenatal care. That's a lot of driving with a lot of little kids and a lot of gas. One is too expensive. Several are two new agey, feminist, weird for me. So what am I to do? Unassissted is just NOT an option. I'm 14 weeks now. I need to choose soon, or no one will want to take me but the surgeon. AARRGGHHHH

In the middle of all this turmoil, I don't even feel ready to care for a new baby yet. I'm not excited like I should be, I'm nervous. I do not want a third cesarean. I do not want delivery complications. I want to have all this settled so I can get excited about having a baby. What I need is to find out I'm having a girl and start pulling out my cute little girlie hand-me-downs. Or find out I'm having a boy and start buying cute clothes because all of my boy stuff looks ragged.

What I really need is direction and peace. I only know one place to get that.

The hobgoblin

I have been very patiently waiting for UPS to bring my packages. I am absolutely sure that the companies I ordered from at 8:00 Friday morning must have shipped my item Friday afternoon. They are great companies. It's UPS. I know it is. I had tricked myself into thinking that the little brown fairy UPS man would come and sneak up to my door to drop those packages, not Monday, but perhaps Tuesday if he were really magical. Wednesday it would be entirely possible. Thursday it is certain. He surely will deliver today, but he hasn't. He has ceased existance as the little brown fairy and become the great brown hobgoblin. Nasty creature, doesn't he know we're waiting? Nathaniel asks everyday for his lesson books! No one is permitted to leave me a comment explaining that the companies I ordered from have up to a week to process my order before shipping. Don't say it. It's that nasty imp- the hobgoblin UPS man.

***Update: I have been informed via email that at least one of my packages is in route via DHL. My humble apologies go out to the nice brown fairy UPS man. Ugly yellow trollish DHL guy. :)

An afternoon update

Micaela finished everything, stamped for a while, watched a movie with me while the boys were still asleep and Asher played, and then we started the cookies. She's been good all afternoon.

Baking cookies woke everyone up, and we are anticipating our first batch.

Confession: I didn't have chocolate morsels. I chopped baking squares. I licked the cutting board before I washed it. Something has happened to me in the last five years. I have lost my last shred of dignity. Next I'll be licking the board and forgetting to wash it. When I am a mother retired (when my children don't live at home and are not with me daily) perhaps I will recover myself.

A nice day

Monday was horrible. Micaela has had a disobediant streak in the last week or so. Monday it became outright rebellion. We did not do any school (or anything but clean); although, I did attend a Bible study. It was nice becuase it gave me a break from her and gave her some time to be alone. She was in the room with the adults because I thought it inappropriate after having such poor behavior at home to get to play with all her friends. I gave her busy work to do, and she did it quietly. By the end of the day she was ready to obey as she put it, and Ian and I had a very serious talk with her. She is on trial this week. Tuesday her behavior was 100% improved, even though she was not allowed to attend her ballet class. She did her Tuesday and Monday lessons in half the time that it normally takes to do one day's lessons- because she didn't fidget or whine a bit. She actually had a cheerful disposition! Read: A joyful heart makes a cheerful face said over and over and over again :) I only had to spank her one time. Compared to the day before it was a miracle. She only whined/complained 4 times that day. I kept track because Ian asked me to. Today has been about the same. She's finished with all the school we've done so far, and she's done it neatly and correctly. We played outside for an hour or so, had a snack, she collected acorns and now they're all in bed. And she didn't even complain about taking a nap. It's like a different child. I don't remember the exact verse, but it's something like Evening, morning and noon I will complain and murmur to you and you hear and bring peace to my heart- psalm 55: i forgot. So anyway, that's all I could think of Monday night/Tuesday, and God has heard and brought peace to our hearts/home.

In other BIG news: TODAY NATHANIEL COUNTED TO SIX!!!!!!! I told him I'm going to bake cookies this afternoon, and he can have as many as he can count! He is soooo excited.

First Steps

Today Asher took his first steps, but instead of letting go and taking a wobbly step andt then falling, he took five steps from the couch to the play kitchen! He didn't wobble a bit! YEAH! I hope I get the next ones on camera.

Fall must be coming soon!

It was cold last night. We left the windows open- probably too far open, and woke up around 4 shivering. After checking on the kids (whose windows were only cracked) we piled on the blankets and enjoyed the chill. Tonight is supposed to be colder. We are not ready for cold weather. We have been anticipating (but ignoring) our need for a propane tank. We know that we can't make it through the winter without heat. However, we did not anticipate our clothing dilemma! Today I went to get Gabriel a pair of pants because he's grown out of everything he has. I went to the garage to snag a pair of Nathaniel's from last year when I discovered that Bubba totally skipped 3T winter stuff. We don't have any that I can find! That is almost unbelievable. We've had hand me downs from lots of people, not just Nathaniel. How could we miss 3T long sleeves/pants? I must be mistaken. I'm going to have to check the attic.

In other news, today was not a school day, but we did use clay to make a cuneiform tablet like they did in Sumer. I mean, if they used flat head screw drivers and rolling pins. The kids enjoyed that, but only daddy was skilled enough to actually shape the figures.

Also, Ian did a little science reading for Micaela, Nathaniel, and Gabriel. We were all in the play room (which is now gated), and Ian asked "Who likes butterflies and moths?" All three said ME! as loud and long as they could- right as they were finishing Asher bellowed "ME!" That was funny. While they were reading, Asher stood at the boys work bench (that we had just organized) and took all the screws out of the tray and placed each one in a different hole on the table. Very clever we thought, but not quite our idea of organization. After he was done playing tools he unloaded the bottom shelf of the kids' book case and held a loud conversation with his shape sorter wagon. The kids all call him Asher Disaster. I guess he deserves it. Then the science lesson was over, and the kids all had brownies and a cup of milk before worship and bed.

Ian and I are sitting up quietly and it's so nice. We worked hard to finish some small projects around the house today, and although there's quite a bit to be done (the house is not clean by any stretch of the imagination) it feels good to know that some things that have been nagging us are finished.

Back again :)

Well, this is what is going on in the Big Woods-

We're studying Ancient Egypt and having fun. I'm stealing De'etta's craft ideas because I can't buy my own books right now :) and Micaela's having a good time. She definately identifies idols as evil, so that makes me feel better. We've enjoyed Sumerian cuneiform and Egyptian Hyroglyphics.

I've been faithfully doing math, and Micaela loves it just as much as ever.

Nathaniel daily asks me for lessons. He's learning the short vowel sounds (very slowly), and the numbers 1,2 and 3. He already knows to say 4,5,6,7,8,9,10- but three is VERY hard to remember when your name is Nathaniel. He can recognize the written numbers 1 and 2. He can definately count up to two objects, but anything three or more is classified as 'a lot' with an especially serious look on your face :) It's really funny.

His coloring is improving as is Micaela's drawing. We have started a nature notebook. We find a still bug or catch a lively one and talk about it's body and the shapes of its body parts. As we talk, Ian or I will draw the shapes and fill in the details to make a decent looking bug. Micaela has really enjoyed this. She 'copies' our drawing on her own, and then I write a few lines about it- where we found it and something distinctive about it. She copies that along with a date and a name into her notebook, and she loves it. I'm using a primary lined journal with space at the top for pictures.

She still loves spelling even though I'm incorporating daily oral spelling quizes over the words. I may be a little crazy- I didn't realize till halfway through the book, that she was not learning to spell. She was just doing the lessons like puzzles with the list in front of her. Of course, I knew that, but it took a third person to suggest to me that perhaps she should be spending more time on the lessons and actually remembering how to spell the list words. Duh. Even a genius can't think of everything, right? Anyway, she's still covering two lessons a week, but the words are so simple at this stage that she can spell most of them before the lesson. Except today, the word was fill- not fil. I explained twice (after a second mistake) that we double the l after the short vowel sound (I feel smart because I learned that off of an amazing phonics webpage). By the end of the lesson she said 'I know mom, just like the s in boss.' Ok, she learned something! And I don't think she's ever read boss. I was impressed with the application- but how will I explain the difference between but and butt? Could someone teach me phonics?

Inquiring minds want to know why love, cove, shove, Jove, dove the bird, and clove are not said the same way. My amazing phonics page was only an excerpt from a book, and so it did not cover exhaustive phonics.

School is very nearly all I think about right now, so I don't have anything especially fun to say. Asher is a mess, and he's watching everything. He's just waiting for the right moment to get in on the action. He loves to find his way into the boys' room and play with their toys while they are playing. Gabriel is still attempting to use the potty consistently. He thinks it's much easier if you're naked. Unfortunately, I can no longer allow him to be constantly naked, so he's had a few accidents.

Days have been much cooler here, and the children have enjoyed playing outside and having picnics. We've been fascinated by the humming birds using the feeder on our front porch. They're not afraid- they just buzz right by your head. If they weren't so neat, they'd almost be a nuisance.